Here are the unequivocal reasons why we don’t really need Health Care Reform in the US:

  1. Although efforts have been made and failed to reform the healthcare industry since 1912, we should not be too hasty and rush into enacting change.
  2. The federal government has no business interfering in people’s healthcare decisions, unless a woman is trying to terminate a pregnancy, go on contraception or the patient’s last name is Schiavo.
  3. The government is incapable of running anything efficiently, and if allowed to offer a healthcare option, will run healthcare so efficiently that it will put private insurers out of business.
  4. We are a Christian nation, and we don’t believe in helping the least among us. Some people just don’t deserve healthcare. Getting sick is God’s punishment for doing something wrong.
  5. The current system, with 47,000,000 uninsured, a million medical bankruptcies annually, and 18,000 deaths annually due to lack of insurance, is working just fine. In fact, we have the best health care system in the world!
  6. Even though many older couples are forced to divorce in order to avoid catastrophic financial losses due to medical expenses, it’s the homosexuals who are destroying families.
  7. A conversation with your doctor about end-of-life issues is an opportunity for your doctor to convince you to kill yourself.
  8. We can afford to spend more on our military than all other nations combined, but we can’t afford universal health care.
  9. Single-payer, government-run healthcare is good enough for our men and women in uniform, for whom nothing is too good, but single-payer, government-run healthcare will offer substandard care to the rest of us. Besides, to offer the same healthcare to the general public that our armed forces, govt workers and their families already get would be socialism.
  10. Pooling our resources to provide roads, schools, clean water, military, police, and fire protection for each other is not socialism. Pooling our resources to provide each other health care is socialism.
  11. Socialism is bad. Very bad. Bad! Did we mention it’s bad?
  12. Health care is an issue best handled by individual states; like slavery.
  13. We can afford to subsidize Israel, Iraq, and Afghanistan, all of whom have universal healthcare, but we can’t afford it ourselves.
  14. Money and corporate profits are more important than people’s health. Sure, reforming the insurance companies would save thousands of lives, but shareholders’ portfolios might be damaged.
  15. Freeing people from holding on to their dead-end jobs for the insurance and allowing them to become entrepreneurs would bankrupt our country and devastate our markets, which depend upon entrepreneurial innovation.
  16. Someone like physicist Stephen Hawking would have been allowed to die under the British healthcare system. Oh, he’s British? And he’s alive? — Never mind.
  17. We already have universal health care: it’s called the Emergency Room. Uninsured people can go there for all their health needs (checkups, cancer pre-screening, chemotherapy, etc.), and it only costs the taxpayers a few thousand dollars per visit.
  18. The Obama healthcare initiative is part of the liberal-communist-Nazi- socialist-Islamofascist-gay-atheist-zombie-transsexual-cannibal-feminist- sociopath-evolutionist agenda to take away your freedom! If this plan is passed, abortions will be mandatory, schoolchildren will be raped by their teachers, and Negroes (many of them born in some other country and only posing as citizens) will murder your Grandma with her pillow!